Trust v. lust

I thought this picture of a lily that I took a few days ago was fitting, its all wrapped up trying to hide from the rest of the world just like me. its really sad. Hiding its wonderful colors from the rest of the world, I set in B&W just for the irony.

The other night my neighbor threw a very successful party...

I did not attend.

*sigh*

As I have already explained I can not join in such festivities as those that took place next door the other night, should I wish to remain in my parents good graces.

It was the most terrible feeling in the world sitting out all day on the porch, hoping for something unexpected to happen out of the blue. Meanwhile I read my English book (*gasp* God forbid I actually finish a reading assignment on time this year!) Brave New World. Troubling. That is the word I would use to describe writings such as Aldous Huxley's. The "brave" soulless clones of a futuristic London went about there preordained work and encountered the fascinating discovery of a savage born of a civilized woman (the embarrassment!), all the while my mind wandered and battled to concentrate on those depressing words of genius concerning the future of mankind.

The title of this post goes out to that night when my parents decided we should have movie night. We watched Bedtime Stories. Very cute. Very family oriented. Anyways afterword John and I ran next door, it killed me, it really did to see all my friends having a ball and not being allowed to go inside. John and I stayed out on the porch for all of three minutes while we asked our neighbor how it was going. Distracted. That would be the one word analysis for that interaction. Sad and disappointing if you want to go a little deeper.

I don't particularly like thinking about why I even went over there in the first place when I knew I would only leave even more disappointed than before. But I know why.

This was all Saturday. Sunday was a blur. I can not remember a thing. No crew for one thing (!) we didn't go to church either? Odd. I finished Brave New World. A friend of mine really wanted to hang out, she is a bad influence so I didn't go off with her. Monday was one long chore. Memorial Day. I sorted shoes. Very ironic to have to sort worn out shoes covered in mud on a day we are supposed to set aside for remembrance of those who trecked far and wide to protect freedom. It wasn't that bad, really. It felt like a waste of an afternoon, but it made my mother happy and it seems as if that is the only reassurance other than grades that I have to validate any work I find myself doing.