DAY 1

The Richmond Marathon is months away and training has commenced.
Today I pulled out a bunch of my summer clothes and decided I would wear a long black sheath dress with T-strap wedge heels. It was nice to be able to just pull into a little dress and enjoy the fresh air.

Barefoot freedom

Small rocks submerged at Mercer Lake New Jersey. I took this picture while watching boats race at Nationals.

The rain is crashing down in one glorious sheath. It smells so good. I am out on the porch and the May rain is misting in through the screen. It comes and goes in degrees of intensity, but it is so wonderful.

Thunder booms and cracks adding to a symphony of rain drops and swirling water on the street below.

My heels are black from the shoes I wore yesterday. They are these cheap little ballet flats that I adore. But whenever I get them wet the soles of the shoes rub against my feet and leave a black residue that you have to scrub to get off.

A picture of my little yellow umbrella that I took with a disposable film camera, thought it was fitting for the circumstances.

Moving into today though, I walked home barefoot in the rain. It was lovely. I had been wearing rubber flip-flops that were giving me blisters that hurt like the Dickens. I abandon any hope for the salvation of my feet and put the water logged plastic footwear in my bag.
It was a lovely end to a hectic day.
This morning I awoke at 7:30ish. This unheard of. I do not wake up early...nine, I consider early. I don't really function like a normal human being until 10... at least. But today I woke up early for no reason what so ever and realized some six minutes after waking up that I had a total of five hours before I had to be at school.
This was a wonderful revelation. That was soon dissipated.
My parents decided it would be nice if I tagged along with them again (YES!) to the doctors office (...oh...)
It was nice though, I accompanied my mother to her check up in Georgetown and sat in the car while she and my father unloaded boxes full of shirts and hats carrying her companies insignia, once we got to her office on K street. After dropping mom off, I drove (*gasp*) my father and I all the way to Best Buy. At this point I was grinding my teeth with growing anxiety concerned about getting to school and finishing an English essay. But! It all worked out. I was able to purchase a spiffy new power cord for my computer to replace the one I lost (yes I loose everything) and made it to school with ten minutes to spare! I dare anyone to try and beat the time I made getting from Bailey's Cross Roads all the way back to Arlington.
School was pretty much uneventful, except I missed my AP World Presentation because I was printing my AP World Presentation and the computer in the library hated me. So the rest of my group winged it and apparently did very well explaining to our teacher that we would be doing a documentary on George Washington...in outer space?
Strange things happen in that class.
The rest of the day went by smoothly and I learned that my essay is actually due tomorrow! instead of today...

You never know whats coming for you

This is my "hmm, that sure is nice" face

This quote is from the popular film Benjamin Button. It was a very beautiful movie in my opinion and although I really could not connect with any of the characters in much of any sense at all, I do have quite a few stories that could go along with that quote about not knowing whats going to happen.

Like today for example:

SOL week has granted me a strange and wonderful opportunity! I do not have to be at school until noon all week.

With this said, I slept in until about nine today, awoke wonderfully refreshed and ready to conquer the day. Given that today was the day that the President was said to be announcing his choice for the vacant Supreme Justice position, my parents schedule was a toss up and race around the block type of situation. My mother works for a non-profit organization where the competition is everyone and anyone who might get there press release out faster than her organization might be able to. She tends to be pretty good at what she does:

Washington Post

Associated Press

AUL!

What a fun day rushing about in downtown DC!


And! It was the last day of crew!!! I can hear the Hallelujah chorus...
All in all I learned a lot this season, I dropped about 20 seconds off my 2k time (!) and can sit happy and proud on a 7:39.2 time! Yes this year had its ups and downs, but it was probably one of the bests I've ever had.
For our last day at the boathouse we put away boats and through our coxswains in the water and took pictures. That was about it. I bought my friends ice cream and we enjoyed ourselves immensely. I was not elected to be our class representative but I figure you can't have everything. Next year I will be the vice president of our class, hopefully make it onto first eight again, and be taking a good number of art classes.

Trust v. lust

I thought this picture of a lily that I took a few days ago was fitting, its all wrapped up trying to hide from the rest of the world just like me. its really sad. Hiding its wonderful colors from the rest of the world, I set in B&W just for the irony.

The other night my neighbor threw a very successful party...

I did not attend.

*sigh*

As I have already explained I can not join in such festivities as those that took place next door the other night, should I wish to remain in my parents good graces.

It was the most terrible feeling in the world sitting out all day on the porch, hoping for something unexpected to happen out of the blue. Meanwhile I read my English book (*gasp* God forbid I actually finish a reading assignment on time this year!) Brave New World. Troubling. That is the word I would use to describe writings such as Aldous Huxley's. The "brave" soulless clones of a futuristic London went about there preordained work and encountered the fascinating discovery of a savage born of a civilized woman (the embarrassment!), all the while my mind wandered and battled to concentrate on those depressing words of genius concerning the future of mankind.

The title of this post goes out to that night when my parents decided we should have movie night. We watched Bedtime Stories. Very cute. Very family oriented. Anyways afterword John and I ran next door, it killed me, it really did to see all my friends having a ball and not being allowed to go inside. John and I stayed out on the porch for all of three minutes while we asked our neighbor how it was going. Distracted. That would be the one word analysis for that interaction. Sad and disappointing if you want to go a little deeper.

I don't particularly like thinking about why I even went over there in the first place when I knew I would only leave even more disappointed than before. But I know why.

This was all Saturday. Sunday was a blur. I can not remember a thing. No crew for one thing (!) we didn't go to church either? Odd. I finished Brave New World. A friend of mine really wanted to hang out, she is a bad influence so I didn't go off with her. Monday was one long chore. Memorial Day. I sorted shoes. Very ironic to have to sort worn out shoes covered in mud on a day we are supposed to set aside for remembrance of those who trecked far and wide to protect freedom. It wasn't that bad, really. It felt like a waste of an afternoon, but it made my mother happy and it seems as if that is the only reassurance other than grades that I have to validate any work I find myself doing.

Rowing. my day of under currents

This is me. Courtesy of my little sister. This is my "are you kidding me?" face. Today day was one of those days where I wore this face perpetually...

I row. It's a race.
And today I let myself think I was done with it.

Today was the first day of the Scholastic National Regatta. My boat raced in the heats and got fourth so we had to race in the repecharge race instead of moving on straight to semi-finals. We came in fifth at reps when we needed to make third.
The problem with this race was that our lane (lane six), the steak (I doubt that is the correct way to spell that) boat (the mini floating dock that has a person on it to hold the boat in place before the race/helps keep boats in alignment before the race) had sort of deflated and they didn't want to put a person on it for fear that the whole contraption would sink or otherwise fall to pieces endangering the person in charge of being the steak-boat holder.
The problem with this scenario is that you need a stake (I think that way is more correct...not positive) boat for the start when the race isn't going off a floating start or a head race start. So to fix the problem the officials pushed my boat into lane 7....instead of a stake boat there was this little tin can of a boat tied down, that they put the stake-boat holder in...to hold our boat for the start.
To further complicate this whole transaction the wind and current decided to change up on us and push in every which way except for that in the direction of the make shift stake-boat. Eventually after a good few minutes of trial and error our coxswain managed to back us into the lane and get alignment for the start. The officials called a count down start. Generally they just go "ATTENTION....GO" no, today they had to go: "ATTENTION...ALL HANDS ARE DOWN...WE WILL DO A COUNTDOWN START NO HANDS WILL BE ACKNOWLEDGED...5......4..........3.............2.....................1...................................GO"
They literally called this the second we got allignment. Usually they wait and drag out the drama of it all for a good minute before calling the start after all the boats get in position, apparently we wasted their patience and they called the start immediatly while we are still recovering from the nervous energy and anxiouty caused by the dumb move of pushing our boat into lane 7.
Our start was a mess with the adrenaline and our nerves flying everywhere. One girl missed water and the rest of us just tried to follow stroke. We roewed as if the devils own were after us.
We where on it. We rowed so together it was fantastic. The most intoxicating race. One that you love to watch because it is such a fight and you never know who's going to make a move and win. Six tenths of a second. The time difference between us and making it to semi's.

So that was the race that I ended my season with. Or so I thought.
Our team is upset, tired, exhausted, you think of an adjective we feel it in our bones.
We went out to diner at Ruby Tuesday's, fun stuff seeing as since we don't have to row tomorrow we can eat anything we want...then we get some *good* news: we are in the semi-finals.


...


So my season isn't done? Oh.
Does that mean I can't eat my New Orleans Seafood plater?
Wait? I had planned on a nice evening consiting of Ben and Jerry's and a couch...does this mean thats going to be called off???

I had my shrimp, my ice cream, my headache...all I am waiting for now is the nervous breakdown.
This year has shot my system. I can bearly lift my arms I am so tired and sore. I am begining to genuinly hate some people. I have lost the motivation to push onward.
This season was one week, just one week, too long.

Tomorrow we will race yet again and I really at this point don't know what to think. It's as if everything is going wrong and I can't fix any of it.

A day on the beltway

This is a picture of my friend Helen all dolled-up for the Opera a few nights ago, I just like the picture not much to do with this post unfortunately

Well seeing as I am currently locked away and chained to my computer I thought I would keep this whole blogging thing going...

I came upstairs to fetch my brother for my neighbor. Unbeknown to me my brother was employed by my father working on footnotes for some paper my mother had written (this ladies and gentlemen is the most efficient form of child labor) and he was miserable.

I came up and offered to help him, at which point I ran downstairs to retrieve my computer, because I was just as anxious to go next door to see our neighbor.

This was my mistake. Not only does John immediately throw the entire paper, some 16 pages, at me and say "Screw this" he then ran out of the room to go next door. Cruel...the only word I can think to describe this situation I so often find myself in.
I am constantly wondering why I never seem to accomplish anything or finish projects I start. I do believe I have found my answer: I have tendency to not say "no." And it would appear those that lack self discipline, case in point, my brother, have taken to exploiting this little habit or mannerism of mine.

At this point I am a bit resigned.

Oh well. John has been coming and going, Hunter (my neighbor) came with him both times... terribly annoying for him (John) to be hostile towards me about being in his room while I finish his work...

Well that would be my current situation, the rest of the day has been not quite as melancholy. All the same it was a bit of an emotional roller coaster. The whole family accompanied my mother wig shopping. Here is the set up:
Chemistry SOL: 9:28 am
lunch
World History
Drive to middle school to get my sister, who turned out to still be testing, so I figured I would run home, grab food, change and come back and pick her up. This scenario would have been perfect had I not left my rowing gear at home when I went inside to change.
This one simple act of forgetfulness cost me $28 and a panic attack and more than enough frustration with a few girls on my team who could have been a tad bit more helpful, say even considerate, but wait, no! It really would have killed them had they taken two seconds to think of someone other than themselves.
Anyways this was all prelude to going into the wig store where my family helped in deciding on a cranial prosthesis. There where no major meltdowns much to my surprise. I am not counting mine because I figure it was purely due to hormones.

After the wig shopping we drove on down to boathouse with me teeming with anger directed at a few girls who shall remain nameless. The result of my lack of appropriate attire was fixed by a dash (by dash I mean full on sprint through Georgetown traffic) into Running Company, where I spent literally four minutes selecting and buying a pair of shorts by Nike. This I accomplished while in four inch heels.
A word to the wise: wedges are not entirely difficult to run in...stilettos are the ankle killers. In the end my parents drove me down the rest of the way after I dove into the car. I still had to run a good block and a half to the boathouse from the Swedish Embassy (again still in heels...this time in spandex instead of a dress though.) My arrival was not exactly dramatic, but given my catty-wompus attire it was unusual...out of breath in running clothes while wearing four inch heels? Welcome to my life.

the tipping point

this is a picture I took of the boathouse where I row...

Today I reached my limits.

I am not a morning person, never have been, never will, and most certainly was not this morning at 7:30.
I am woken up by the sound of an elliptical spinning while my father "runs," and erg fan turning as my mother rows, and my lovely younger sisters bickering about nothing.

The previous night I had gone to sleep not to late with the assistance of Tylenol PM, hoping to combat a cough I had picked up over the past few days. The reason for the late hour in which I fell asleep is mainly due to the fact that I had promised a friend I would draw a few sketches for a project she was looking to finish. I willing accepted and naturally forgot. So at around 10ish I broke out pencil and paper and threw down a jot basic enough to fit time restrains, but also dynamic enough to fit my friends idea of a finished drawing. The drawing, however, did not take that long and seeing as I would finish earlier than expected I decided I might read a few chapters in the book I had been reading by Ken Follet: Whiteout. It is very good and I highly recommend it.
This is all pretense to the fact that when I awoke this morning I was groggy and not in any mood to wake up before 10. Seeing as I had no tests, no quizzes, absolutely nothing to turn in for any of my classes, today would have been ideal to stay home sick. I am not, I am afraid, quite clever enough to have realized this the previous night. In which case, had I been clever enough to pull the day into perspective, I might have been able to play the "sick and exhausted" card and stay home.
But no. I slaved through the day, coughing, miserable, doing absolutly nothing of purpose in any of my classes, two of which I watched movies in. It was horrible, I was late to every single class I think. I was so tired.
Then at practice this afternoon, naturally the one day I do not bring a tank-top it is terribly hot. I had not eaten lunch due to a lack in funds, I was quite dehydrated, exhausted from practice the previous day, and still trying to emotionally recover from the race at Stotesberry we had just come home from.
In short, I was tapped out and running on empty.
This does not bide well for three-by-twelve minute pieces with twenty stroke bursts on choppy water.
By the second piece I was crying behind my sunglasses in exhaustion. It was as if every stroke was heavier than the one before it. And every worry and concern I have been carrying around the past month seemed to crash down around me in those few minutes.
In the past few months I have managed to effectivly lose:
my wallet (with my permit inside)
my phone (the only nice electronic equipement I own besides my camera)
all of my rain gear ($170 coat, GONE.)
a pair of my shoes that just disapeared
the battery charger to my camera
any number of homework assignments I either forgot to do or simply left at home, never to be seen again

and I have begun to bite my nails again...a habit I have not engaged in since elementary school

My grades have fallen from bad to worse. The beginning of the year I had all A's and B's, second quater I caught pnemonia, and my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. My grades fell to C's and D's. Third quater nothing spectacular happened and I pulled most of my grades back up and won a Principles award, and was elected to be vice president of our class for next year. However this quater comes around and throws me for one. Midterms came out: all time low. D's and E's. This quater, the wieght of the year bore down hard.
The fact that I have to enroll in summer school for the first time really bites. The fact that I threw my brother a huge birthday party that he will never fully appreciate and that I won't be able to have such extravagance on my birthday because my mom will be too sick by then to handle it. The fact that I will never be able to both go to parties on the weekends with friends and have my parents trust at the same time. The fact that crew is ending in five days, and it isn't soon enough.
I am a complete mess.
The money I had saved up to get a hair cut with ended up going towards my art lab fee. This would put getting a hair cut out of the realm of possibility for a good time now, seeing as tomorrow after I take the chemistry SOL I will be accompanying my mother wig shopping. She just started chemo and will be loosing her hair soon.
She's trying to put on a brave face.
But it doesn't help at all.

All these thoughts, all these internal struggles that I can usually just push down inside me, they all found their way out into the light at 5 PM today somewhere on the water between Key Bridge and the Boathouse. It was literally all I could do to hold onto that oar and keep from screaming.

After practice a few of the girls asked what was wrong.
I said I was fine.
I didn't know where to start.

All I knew was that I was done.

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Somedays you wonder

So seconds ago I was chatting on facebook with one of the most intriguing people I know. And come to find that she has a wordpress: MAKAY

So since she was kind enough to let me take a peak at her little world of writing, I realized how neglectful of my own I have been.
I propose since, on flickr without a pro account you can not submit more than 200 photos, that perhaps I would do my 365 days project here...