Barefoot freedom

Small rocks submerged at Mercer Lake New Jersey. I took this picture while watching boats race at Nationals.

The rain is crashing down in one glorious sheath. It smells so good. I am out on the porch and the May rain is misting in through the screen. It comes and goes in degrees of intensity, but it is so wonderful.

Thunder booms and cracks adding to a symphony of rain drops and swirling water on the street below.

My heels are black from the shoes I wore yesterday. They are these cheap little ballet flats that I adore. But whenever I get them wet the soles of the shoes rub against my feet and leave a black residue that you have to scrub to get off.

A picture of my little yellow umbrella that I took with a disposable film camera, thought it was fitting for the circumstances.

Moving into today though, I walked home barefoot in the rain. It was lovely. I had been wearing rubber flip-flops that were giving me blisters that hurt like the Dickens. I abandon any hope for the salvation of my feet and put the water logged plastic footwear in my bag.
It was a lovely end to a hectic day.
This morning I awoke at 7:30ish. This unheard of. I do not wake up early...nine, I consider early. I don't really function like a normal human being until 10... at least. But today I woke up early for no reason what so ever and realized some six minutes after waking up that I had a total of five hours before I had to be at school.
This was a wonderful revelation. That was soon dissipated.
My parents decided it would be nice if I tagged along with them again (YES!) to the doctors office (...oh...)
It was nice though, I accompanied my mother to her check up in Georgetown and sat in the car while she and my father unloaded boxes full of shirts and hats carrying her companies insignia, once we got to her office on K street. After dropping mom off, I drove (*gasp*) my father and I all the way to Best Buy. At this point I was grinding my teeth with growing anxiety concerned about getting to school and finishing an English essay. But! It all worked out. I was able to purchase a spiffy new power cord for my computer to replace the one I lost (yes I loose everything) and made it to school with ten minutes to spare! I dare anyone to try and beat the time I made getting from Bailey's Cross Roads all the way back to Arlington.
School was pretty much uneventful, except I missed my AP World Presentation because I was printing my AP World Presentation and the computer in the library hated me. So the rest of my group winged it and apparently did very well explaining to our teacher that we would be doing a documentary on George Washington...in outer space?
Strange things happen in that class.
The rest of the day went by smoothly and I learned that my essay is actually due tomorrow! instead of today...

Trust v. lust

I thought this picture of a lily that I took a few days ago was fitting, its all wrapped up trying to hide from the rest of the world just like me. its really sad. Hiding its wonderful colors from the rest of the world, I set in B&W just for the irony.

The other night my neighbor threw a very successful party...

I did not attend.

*sigh*

As I have already explained I can not join in such festivities as those that took place next door the other night, should I wish to remain in my parents good graces.

It was the most terrible feeling in the world sitting out all day on the porch, hoping for something unexpected to happen out of the blue. Meanwhile I read my English book (*gasp* God forbid I actually finish a reading assignment on time this year!) Brave New World. Troubling. That is the word I would use to describe writings such as Aldous Huxley's. The "brave" soulless clones of a futuristic London went about there preordained work and encountered the fascinating discovery of a savage born of a civilized woman (the embarrassment!), all the while my mind wandered and battled to concentrate on those depressing words of genius concerning the future of mankind.

The title of this post goes out to that night when my parents decided we should have movie night. We watched Bedtime Stories. Very cute. Very family oriented. Anyways afterword John and I ran next door, it killed me, it really did to see all my friends having a ball and not being allowed to go inside. John and I stayed out on the porch for all of three minutes while we asked our neighbor how it was going. Distracted. That would be the one word analysis for that interaction. Sad and disappointing if you want to go a little deeper.

I don't particularly like thinking about why I even went over there in the first place when I knew I would only leave even more disappointed than before. But I know why.

This was all Saturday. Sunday was a blur. I can not remember a thing. No crew for one thing (!) we didn't go to church either? Odd. I finished Brave New World. A friend of mine really wanted to hang out, she is a bad influence so I didn't go off with her. Monday was one long chore. Memorial Day. I sorted shoes. Very ironic to have to sort worn out shoes covered in mud on a day we are supposed to set aside for remembrance of those who trecked far and wide to protect freedom. It wasn't that bad, really. It felt like a waste of an afternoon, but it made my mother happy and it seems as if that is the only reassurance other than grades that I have to validate any work I find myself doing.

A day on the beltway

This is a picture of my friend Helen all dolled-up for the Opera a few nights ago, I just like the picture not much to do with this post unfortunately

Well seeing as I am currently locked away and chained to my computer I thought I would keep this whole blogging thing going...

I came upstairs to fetch my brother for my neighbor. Unbeknown to me my brother was employed by my father working on footnotes for some paper my mother had written (this ladies and gentlemen is the most efficient form of child labor) and he was miserable.

I came up and offered to help him, at which point I ran downstairs to retrieve my computer, because I was just as anxious to go next door to see our neighbor.

This was my mistake. Not only does John immediately throw the entire paper, some 16 pages, at me and say "Screw this" he then ran out of the room to go next door. Cruel...the only word I can think to describe this situation I so often find myself in.
I am constantly wondering why I never seem to accomplish anything or finish projects I start. I do believe I have found my answer: I have tendency to not say "no." And it would appear those that lack self discipline, case in point, my brother, have taken to exploiting this little habit or mannerism of mine.

At this point I am a bit resigned.

Oh well. John has been coming and going, Hunter (my neighbor) came with him both times... terribly annoying for him (John) to be hostile towards me about being in his room while I finish his work...

Well that would be my current situation, the rest of the day has been not quite as melancholy. All the same it was a bit of an emotional roller coaster. The whole family accompanied my mother wig shopping. Here is the set up:
Chemistry SOL: 9:28 am
lunch
World History
Drive to middle school to get my sister, who turned out to still be testing, so I figured I would run home, grab food, change and come back and pick her up. This scenario would have been perfect had I not left my rowing gear at home when I went inside to change.
This one simple act of forgetfulness cost me $28 and a panic attack and more than enough frustration with a few girls on my team who could have been a tad bit more helpful, say even considerate, but wait, no! It really would have killed them had they taken two seconds to think of someone other than themselves.
Anyways this was all prelude to going into the wig store where my family helped in deciding on a cranial prosthesis. There where no major meltdowns much to my surprise. I am not counting mine because I figure it was purely due to hormones.

After the wig shopping we drove on down to boathouse with me teeming with anger directed at a few girls who shall remain nameless. The result of my lack of appropriate attire was fixed by a dash (by dash I mean full on sprint through Georgetown traffic) into Running Company, where I spent literally four minutes selecting and buying a pair of shorts by Nike. This I accomplished while in four inch heels.
A word to the wise: wedges are not entirely difficult to run in...stilettos are the ankle killers. In the end my parents drove me down the rest of the way after I dove into the car. I still had to run a good block and a half to the boathouse from the Swedish Embassy (again still in heels...this time in spandex instead of a dress though.) My arrival was not exactly dramatic, but given my catty-wompus attire it was unusual...out of breath in running clothes while wearing four inch heels? Welcome to my life.

the tipping point

this is a picture I took of the boathouse where I row...

Today I reached my limits.

I am not a morning person, never have been, never will, and most certainly was not this morning at 7:30.
I am woken up by the sound of an elliptical spinning while my father "runs," and erg fan turning as my mother rows, and my lovely younger sisters bickering about nothing.

The previous night I had gone to sleep not to late with the assistance of Tylenol PM, hoping to combat a cough I had picked up over the past few days. The reason for the late hour in which I fell asleep is mainly due to the fact that I had promised a friend I would draw a few sketches for a project she was looking to finish. I willing accepted and naturally forgot. So at around 10ish I broke out pencil and paper and threw down a jot basic enough to fit time restrains, but also dynamic enough to fit my friends idea of a finished drawing. The drawing, however, did not take that long and seeing as I would finish earlier than expected I decided I might read a few chapters in the book I had been reading by Ken Follet: Whiteout. It is very good and I highly recommend it.
This is all pretense to the fact that when I awoke this morning I was groggy and not in any mood to wake up before 10. Seeing as I had no tests, no quizzes, absolutely nothing to turn in for any of my classes, today would have been ideal to stay home sick. I am not, I am afraid, quite clever enough to have realized this the previous night. In which case, had I been clever enough to pull the day into perspective, I might have been able to play the "sick and exhausted" card and stay home.
But no. I slaved through the day, coughing, miserable, doing absolutly nothing of purpose in any of my classes, two of which I watched movies in. It was horrible, I was late to every single class I think. I was so tired.
Then at practice this afternoon, naturally the one day I do not bring a tank-top it is terribly hot. I had not eaten lunch due to a lack in funds, I was quite dehydrated, exhausted from practice the previous day, and still trying to emotionally recover from the race at Stotesberry we had just come home from.
In short, I was tapped out and running on empty.
This does not bide well for three-by-twelve minute pieces with twenty stroke bursts on choppy water.
By the second piece I was crying behind my sunglasses in exhaustion. It was as if every stroke was heavier than the one before it. And every worry and concern I have been carrying around the past month seemed to crash down around me in those few minutes.
In the past few months I have managed to effectivly lose:
my wallet (with my permit inside)
my phone (the only nice electronic equipement I own besides my camera)
all of my rain gear ($170 coat, GONE.)
a pair of my shoes that just disapeared
the battery charger to my camera
any number of homework assignments I either forgot to do or simply left at home, never to be seen again

and I have begun to bite my nails again...a habit I have not engaged in since elementary school

My grades have fallen from bad to worse. The beginning of the year I had all A's and B's, second quater I caught pnemonia, and my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. My grades fell to C's and D's. Third quater nothing spectacular happened and I pulled most of my grades back up and won a Principles award, and was elected to be vice president of our class for next year. However this quater comes around and throws me for one. Midterms came out: all time low. D's and E's. This quater, the wieght of the year bore down hard.
The fact that I have to enroll in summer school for the first time really bites. The fact that I threw my brother a huge birthday party that he will never fully appreciate and that I won't be able to have such extravagance on my birthday because my mom will be too sick by then to handle it. The fact that I will never be able to both go to parties on the weekends with friends and have my parents trust at the same time. The fact that crew is ending in five days, and it isn't soon enough.
I am a complete mess.
The money I had saved up to get a hair cut with ended up going towards my art lab fee. This would put getting a hair cut out of the realm of possibility for a good time now, seeing as tomorrow after I take the chemistry SOL I will be accompanying my mother wig shopping. She just started chemo and will be loosing her hair soon.
She's trying to put on a brave face.
But it doesn't help at all.

All these thoughts, all these internal struggles that I can usually just push down inside me, they all found their way out into the light at 5 PM today somewhere on the water between Key Bridge and the Boathouse. It was literally all I could do to hold onto that oar and keep from screaming.

After practice a few of the girls asked what was wrong.
I said I was fine.
I didn't know where to start.

All I knew was that I was done.

Very slow day

Today has been typical. I cleaned the house, while John and Gib played Runescape. We are packing up preparing to leave on Sunday (for Arkansas). Friday we are going to visit one of dad's tech dudes who has diagnosed a problem on their site Reasoned Audacity, caused by some evil bug-thing coming out of Russia. Sooo. In four more days, 10 hours and a whole lot of sibling rivalry, we will some how miraculously end up back on the road. But in the meanwhile:

Sad to say that I have also (once again) failed in my attempts to leave the confines of my house-turned prison in search for calm/productivity. We were literally inside Tyson's mall, we buy Rosetta Stone French edition and a whole five minutes later, are driving away. WE WERE INSIDE THE MALL, and only spend, tops, ten minutes. Painful. So that was my escape for the day, 30 minutes in a car with four kids and father, then a sprint through the mall.

Tomorrow John is going to the doctor to get his arm fixed, after a trip down a double-black diamond (one of the slopes in New Hampshire he daringly proclaimed as easy) he took the high jump, smashes his wrist and now I'm playing nurse. A look at the break:Tomorrow, then another day, and another day, and then finally take-off for the greater chaos of campaign life. I may actually survive.

Running around

Huckabee is on the road again folks, well he was a day ago now he's down in NC campaigning and apparently my mothers down in Little Rock working on a couple papers. Anyway I'm back in Arlington and it has not changed a bit. Cleared things out with the schools, or are in the process of doing so, I still have to return a calculator and find a self portrait I did a month ago in an effort to save my Art grade which in my absence fell to a D, kind of weird too, since I kept A's and B's in all my other classes. Plus it's Art class, art is my good subject, my soul talent and one class I actually want to expand on beyond school/pursue as a career. Of course I would be failing. The irony is only natural. Besides these pesky little details I will officially be withdrawn from school and free to begin homeschooling. OH! and while I'm on a roll about the art situation, turns out I did not submit anything in the Scholastics Competition since my teacher called and left a message on our home phone (or somewhere unaccessible) waiting to see if I still wanted to turn in my second piece, of course I find this all out a little late in the game i.e. this morning--four days after deadline *sigh* It's all for the best I suppose, Scholastics would have held onto my work for two years before returning it, this way I keep both and can sell, frame, or otherwise deal with them--along with all my other class work which was hiding in a portfolio somewhere.
Whatever, I have the whole year ahead of me and a whole life to submit work in competitions of my choice.
Moving on, in a few days we'll head back on out to Little Rock and Headquarters roaming like the gypsies much to my pleasure. When mom clears up her work in HQ hopefully we'll be out following the bus again in NC, Michigan, or Florida. I miss everybody out on the trail already.

Go, Diego, Go!!

HONK, HONK, ....HONK, HONK,... HONK,HONK.... HONK REAL SLOW...HHHHHHHOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKK OR REALLY FAST.....HONK!!! My little brother just learned to sing like a penguin by Diego and Pepito the Penguin as they waddled up the mountain (which they also taught their audiences how to do) Rescue Pack is getting in on the action now--who's theme song is actually longer then the actual shows theme song--he just suggested using a fishing pole to slide on the snow?? Now we're supposed to give Diego a sled...

My family is divided and conquering today, dad took the girls to North Carolina to see our Babcia(Polish for grandmother) who's in the hospital from a panic attack, and my mom took Pnzr Commander (brother dearest) to work so they can leave for football without making an extra stop home--Oh Look! Pepito made it to his penguin school, oh and their instructor speaks Spanish, naturally--and after football, they'll head to the baseball party. All while I clean the house with my youngest brother, which is actually great considering how much it wil help...
Blues Clues just started-Whos that new guy?? The last time I saw Blues Clues the host was Steve? And how are we supposed to know why the baby bird won't come out of it's shell?? Now they are waiting silently for the bird to come out, silence, silence, SINGING ABOUT WAITING, WE ARE GONNA PLAY BLUES CLUES 'CAUSE IT'S A REALLY GREAT GAME... so todays show is all about patince...

On the road again!

The update! Mi familia y yo are out in the boondocks at another one of Johns baseball tournaments, where he had three games (all that he won) yesterday (which pretty much guarantees them a place in the championship) today he has two games for sure and then there is the champion ship which will most likely stretch into two games with extra innings, meaning it will probably be close to 9pm when we leave for our seven hour car ride down to the beach... you can be sure we will suck up to Dad the whole way down as he drives long into the night, running on coffee and what ever we pick up from gas stations...

this picture is from a tournament last year when John pitched.

Just when i thought going to the beach couldn't get any better

my granddad announces that Andrea is coming!!!! Andrea is the BOMB!!! every time we see her she just gets nicer and nicer, this year is going to be so great, I'm so excited (like you couldn't tell)!

Two weeks, two weeks!

no i've not given any notice or anything like that, in two weeks i will be at the beach!!!! i have been waiting for this all year!!!! last year i was hyped and excited, but this year, MAN I AM PSHYCED i don't even care if i didn't spell that right!! the beach! the sand! the water! the TAN! YES!! i was born and bred in the New England region of the east coast i am looking forward to this! never mind the minor set back that i have yet to buy a bathing suit, and won't be aloud to eat icecream or junk food all week because of marathon training, no my joy is not subdued!! no to mention that i will be missing half the SOLs for our family reunion! and yes i am using posting this as an excuse for not studying, so that means i should probably get off, but i am just SOOOOO excited!!

united 93

nothing bonds a family like watching the nation fall to pieces on one of the most terrible days in history. United 93 is about the terrorists taking over the countries airways and the heros aboard flight 93. it is by far the most inspirational movies i've ever watched. my three-year-old brother is hugging my mothers legs while Pnzr is sitting with my father, the Diva (my nine year old sister) is wrapped up in a blanket with my mom, and Sweetie (my six-year-old sister) is drifting in and out f sleep on the other couch. we're at the part were all the passengers are calling their families and i'm tearing up, the passengers just attacked. i swear the guys that did the music for this deserve some serious praise. God bless those passengers and their families, they were all true heros and heroines. the movie just ended, we all know the ending, and anyone who dosn't, needs to google 9/11 immediatly.

i'm blaming the radio

there is nothing more frightening then hereing your six year old sister singing Akon "Smack That" and then your two year old brother walk in singing Chamillionare "Ridin'", i fear i may have corrupted my siblings--except for my twoyear old brother it was the Pnzr commander who listened to the Weird Al version of "white and nerdy" and tought him

for everyone with a six year old sister

this is really random but so are all my post. i am in my new house with my family and my little sister's watching the Wonder Pets save a cow from a tree and it is quite a spectacle to watch her and my younger brother both singing along to the little gerbil (or whatever it is) singing "lets save the cow!!"